The last couple of days, ideas have filled my mind that “I
am not enough”. These messages have come
in both subliminal and direct ways but regardless, have still had a direct
impact on my life. As I think back on my
life, this message, in its many different forms, have tried to fill my life.
I have the perfect sister.
During high school, she was liked by everyone, straight A student, a
good sports player in all that she participates in, on student council (which
was student elected at our school) has an incredible voice and was in swing
choir. Not to mention she was active in
our church youth group and on the leadership team, oh, and she was president of
the Fellowship of Christian Athletes chapter at our school, which she helped
start. Siblings will always be compared
to some degree but she almost made it impossible to try to follow in her
steps. While I’m grateful that I had a
wonderful role model, I often felt like “I wasn’t enough”.
While in college I was able to find my own identity and not
be known as “Rachel’s sister”. However,
I found something else to struggle with, my weight. Although my weight is something I’ve
struggled with my whole life, the struggle continued and peaked in college
along with a few years after it. Seeing
the skinny pretty girls get the dates and the attention that I so often craved,
I couldn’t help but think that if I could just look a certain way, then “I
would be enough”.
In 2009, I married an incredible man and almost 5 years
later, we have an almost 3-year-old boy, an 18-month-old boy, and I am 28 weeks
pregnant. Parenting has brought on a
whole new challenge of thinking, “I am not enough”. There’s so much parenting advice out there
and everyone seems to have an opinion.
Much less the looks that you get when your children aren’t behaving in a
public place. I often feel like I’m not
patient enough, I’m not loving enough, I don’t play often enough with my
children, read to my children often enough, feed my children enough veggies,
and the list could go on.
This morning, Dr. Juli Slattery spoke at my MOPS group and
she spoke on this very subject. Much of
her encouraging words came down to one point, having wisdom. Dr. Slattery’s favorite verse is Proverbs
14:1, “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one
tears her down.” What are some wise
truths that I can reflect on whenever I feel like I’m not enough?
God says that He created me and that I’m fearfully and
wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13,14). I am
created in His image (Genesis 1:27). He
knew me before He created me (Jeremiah 1:5).
I am chosen and a royal priesthood (1 Peter 2:9). My body is a temple and I was bought with a
price (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). He also
says that He has a wonderful plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11).
When I focus on “what I’m not”, I can’t focus on what He has
called me to be. My identity must be
found in Him and not who the world is trying to tell me I am. There’s too much at stake to allow other
people’s opinion dictate my emotions.
